my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
