Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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