So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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