my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
