Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
