Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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