Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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