Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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