I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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