I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
