no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Two words: blizzard sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
