This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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