When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
