I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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