I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
