First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
