he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Someone stole a lamp last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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