Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
