I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This toilet bowl is my home.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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