You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love you.
Bad choice
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
