I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
