Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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