No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
