I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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