Taylor Swift is so right about you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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