If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
