grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
only you would photoshop your dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
