He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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