i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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