There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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