Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
