just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
