real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
