she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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