so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
