You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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