I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
