Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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