i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
