i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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