i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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