just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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