just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
