There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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