apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
