OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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