Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
