You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize