If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
