If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
