come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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