I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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