3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We just shotgunned beers for America
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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