Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
