I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
