He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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